Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
