My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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