How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
