I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
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