Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
