So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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