I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
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You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
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You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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