She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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