that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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