ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
