Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
