First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
