I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
