I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
