i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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