There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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