That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
