So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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