So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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