Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
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I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
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Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Come on in and take your pants off
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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