It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
