Ambien. No doubt about it.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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