Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
