Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
