just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize