I love black thongs
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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