I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
