Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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