He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
