he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
