thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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