Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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