I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
