I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
