Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
