also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
