Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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