Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
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