i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
