i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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