I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
