Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
