You can't motorboat a personality
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
