Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
