he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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