She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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