remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
