Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he thought i was a dude.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
