umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
