Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
