Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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