my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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