sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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