just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sext me about skeletons
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
