God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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