By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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