I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
