I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm having to shit out rocks
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