Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
