some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize