Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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