Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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