You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
