dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
