I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
