The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
