Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
