and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
