Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
